Title: Mother

Rating: PG for some violence

Spoilers: Just to be safe… through Episode 40

Characters: Solomon-centric (with appearances by Diva and Amshel)

Length: One-shot (3,958 words)

Summary: What happens to the families of people who become chevaliers?

A/N: Thank you to my dear Demo for a bit of beta reading. Constructive criticism welcomed.

 

(EDIT: Now available by popular demand: the full zip file)
(SON OF EDIT: File updated 08/18/08)



(An introduction for a man who lives his life in bitterness, a man never really understood by anybody)
"As of now I bet you got me wrong
So unsure we reach for something strong
I haven't felt like this in so long
Wrong, in a sense too far gone from love
That don't last forever
Something’s gotta turn out right"


(Roundly used and abused by his legal guardian, Nicholas learned to kill at a very young age)
"I used to be a little boy
So old in my shoes
And what I choose is my choice
What's a boy supposed to do?
The killer in me is the killer in you
My love
I send this smile over to you"


(Going from one dark living situation to another, young Nicholas came to live a childhood like boot camp, trained as an expert marksman by another expert on death to be his personal little soldier)
"I am growing now as I watch you fade
Now I know what you know
And I'll break the chains that you have made
These chains you've made for me
I will pull you down
I know I'll fail in style
I will, I swear
I'm gonna shake your genius hands"


(Having never had a real family, Wolfwood grew up to see the world in a very grim light, being intimately familiar with its darkest parts)
"Stand, climb, and fall
You carry the weight
Can't carry it all

Are you falling
Are you faking
Are you killing
Are you breaking
Am I burning
Am I only melting
These diamonds in the making"


(A hostage situation forces Wolfwood to become a drifter, torn from the most meaningful part of his life and left to his own dark self)
"Unwanted, live my life in shame
Who's to blame for my mistakes?
Well I don't know why
I believe in the truth, from inside
Go away, go away from me
Leave me alone
Ignorance spreads lies
How much will money buy?
Well, I'll take my time as I drift and die"


(Nicholas always feels like he’s got something to prove, even when he really doesn’t need to, even when there’s probably something he himself isn’t seeing)
"I wanna breathe, I wanna grow
I'd say I want it but I don't know how
I work, I bleed, I beg, and I pray
But I'm better off dead
I'm better off dead
I'm better off..."


(Wolfwood often dreams of a place where he can live in peace, although he is far too bitter to believe that such a place exists.)
"Every time I look in the mirror
All these lines in my face getting clearer
The past is gone
It went by like dusk to dawn
Isn't that the way?
Everybody's got their dues in life to pay

Yeah, I know nobody knows
Where it comes and where it goes
I know it's everybody's sin
You got to lose to know how to win"


(For such a cynical man as Wolfwood, a relentless idealist like Vash is a never-ending aggravation)
"Born to be down
I've learned all my lessons before now
Born to be down
I think you'll get used to it

And you just don't get it
You keep it copasetic
And you learn to accept it
You know it's so pathetic
And you don't"


(And Vash, in turn, has a hard time comprehending what can make a man like Wolfwood so world-weary)
"Who is right when everyone is wrong?
Was it fate that brought you here against all your wishes?
Who is to blame for the way that you are?
Was it parental supervision or lack thereof?"


(As Nicholas travels with Vash and the girls, he suddenly begins to find it hard to make the same sort of decisions he’s made all along, hard to face the world in the same way)
"Am I wrong for taking this so hard?
It's tearing me apart, tearing me apart
Partly tearing me a hole in my heart
Hey, is everybody right?
Have I become so uptight I'm giving it away?
And if blame is the answer, it's under control
And if shame is the answer, I'm selling my soul
And if pain is the answer, I've seen it all"


(As close as he starts to get to the people he is deceiving, his own falseness starts to get to him)
"Still don't see much of me giving in
Much too strong to live outside of these sins
Feeling like I’m taken lightly, think you see right through me
Words of those that still despise me, think it's eating me, you're dreaming
Oh, I live a lie"


(As exasperating as Wolfwood finds Vash to be, the famous gunslinger eventually starts to have an effect on the sullen preacher)
"It used to be mine
A face so laced with doubt and daily pain
It used to be mine
A breath so spent on holding up the weight
You made me resign
And trade a dying ember for a flame
Fearing the sound of no one's voice
And nothingness fills the whole..."


(Despite his jaded attitude and dreadful situation, Wolfwood finds himself enjoying the company of the people he’s been stringing along)
"A midnight fallen angel comes
To drag you through the floor
As the chimes ring out you think about
All the things you’ve done before
Then you pray
I hope I did my best to make the grade
Well, I may be broken hearted
But I found myself some pleasure in the pain"


(After spending so much time surrounded by optimists, Nicholas begins to suspect that he doesn’t belong in their world… nor in the dark world in which he has lived)
"It was a beautiful letdown
When I crashed and burned
When I found myself alone, unknown and hurt
[...]
In a world full of bitter pain and bitter doubt
I was trying so hard to fit in
Until I found out
I don't belong here
I don't belong here
I will carry a cross and a song where I don’t belong"


(In particular, an unexpected closeness to light-hearted Millie leaves Wolfwood dreading ever wounding her delicate sensibilities)
"Tiptoe to your room
A starlight in the gloom
I only dream of you
And you never knew

Sing for absolution
I will be singing
Falling from your grace"


(Trapped between two worlds, Nicholas must make a choice… and ultimately chooses to turn on the man who mentored and raised him to defend the only people to ever truly care for him)
"It's just the two of us
A silver cross
And some strength that you won't believe
See, I'm not your friend
And I won't pretend
That I've come here for peace
Well, I'm not afraid
I'm gonna make you pay
I'm gonna wipe that smile off your face"


(In the end, Wolfwood will give his very life to protect the man he was meant to betray, and the dear friends he had made)
"I'm looking down now that it's over
Reflecting on all of my mistakes
I thought I found the road to somewhere
Somewhere in His grace
I cried out, "Heaven, save me"
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
Maybe six feet ain’t so far down"


(And, having done his best to make his peace with himself, Wolfwood passes to a dream of an Eden where he can finally live in harmony)
"Out into the cold night
Stare into the dark sky
Do you sleep forever?
Or burn alive?
Or linger in the half light?
Fade into the dark night
Do you find contentment?
Do you find your peace?"